Marketing Stuff 101

Twelve difficult marketing lessons for the wanna-be internet entrepreneur:

1 - It's ok to reach out and talk to someone without trying to get them to buy your stuff.

2 - Everyone wants you to buy their stuff.
2a - You want everyone to buy your stuff.
2b - Not everyone wants to buy your stuff.
|!2b - Someone will want to buy your stuff, maybe someday. Don't beat the idea out of them.

3 - Shoving your stuff down their throat is a sure-fire guarantee that they never will Buy. Your. Stuff.

4 - Being mean will not get anyone to buy your stuff.

5 - Exaggerating will NEVER get anyone to buy your stuff.

6 - If you brag that you have made millions selling your stuff, some people may not believe you.
6a - dumb ones might, but may not be smart enough to figure out how to sell your stuff once they've signed up in your downline;
68b - you will spend more time weeding than training, and wondering why your stuff isn't selling.

7 - MLM is pyramidal, no matter who is swearing it isn't. So-called 'network marketing' is usually MLM.
7a - Barnum was right: there is a sucker born every minute. Luckily some smarten up before they get old enough to get PayPal and credit cards
7b - House is not entirely right: Not everyone lies. But enough do that you should be wary.

8 - 3,207,954 other people are selling the same stuff as you. Maybe better.
8a - be nicer than them, not louder.
8b - be honest. Always. Even if it hurts.
8c - be honest with yourself. Always. Yes, it's gonna hurt.

9 - If your website blows chunks or animates like a Saturday morning cartoon, even the BEST stuff may not sell.
9a - not everybody enjoys having their cursor followed by a swarm of butterflies. Some find it damn annoying. I'm one of them.
9b - very few people will actually tell you if your website blows chunks. Watch your bounce rate via Google Analytics. Just like a real live ground-based business, people will vote with their feet (or fingers in this case).

10 - Know the target customer of your stuff. Ask him what he wants. Give it to him.
10a - everyone is an expert on what stuff they want;
10b - respect a customer's right to be wrong about stuff, without insulting him.

11 - Customer service is worth more than selling your stuff.
11a - one of the most powerful phrases in the English language is: "I don't know. Let me find out and get an answer for you."
11b - if you use the phrase, follow up.

12 - Listen to Seth Godin. HE KNOWS STUFF.


I could say more - a lot more - on this topic but I'm sure I'm already ticking off a few Real Marketing Experts Who Have Made Millions And Quit Their Day Jobs And Have The PayStubs To Prove It. Bless your hearts.

She Isn't. She's NOT. She Swears It.

August 21 : Celeb Ms X, appearing in a less-than-formfitting t-shirt and jeans, responds, "Of course I'm not pregnant." Reps for Ms X have no comment.

September 18 : Celeb Ms X, appearing in a one-piece bathing suit covered in a beach top, categorically denies that she is pregnant. Close friends of Ms X refuse to comment.

October 5: Celeb Ms X appears on the red carpet in a flowing vintage Valentino, states, "That's silly. I'm not expecting," when questioned by reporters. Reps for Ms X do not comment.

October 19: A radiant Ms X and her close friend Mr Z glow as they announce that they are expecting their first child to arrive in mid-January. Ms X spins for reporters, in a skin-grazing but baby bump-revealing red Monique Lhuillier and sensible ballerina flats. Close friends of Ms X and Mr Z announce that both of last month's baby showers were 'spectacular.'

Long ago and far away, this is what we tribal elders referred to as "lying." Celebs everywhere feel the head-butt of the Truth Rhino as it lumbers past.