I Better Get Started NOW


If I'm going to run for office in four years, I better start making plans. I have a list of campaign promises prepared, and I will release them to my ardent followers as time passes.

So, I solemnly swear that, if elected:

I will lower Artificially Boosted Expectations across the Board.
I will Fix the Skool Sistem.
I will not impose a 140% Federal Income Tax.
I will institute National Wealth Care - Bailouts for Everyone!
I will stand on a Platform of Personal Responsibility.
You're Each Responsible for this Mess.
I will not campaign in Wisconsin unless wearing a Cheesehead Hat.
I will know which Continent the Amazon River is.
I will know which Continent the Company called Amazon is based in.
I will not confuse the Two Amazons.
I will not ask for more funding for Killer Bee Immigration Paperwork.
I will eat broccoli. Twice.
I will not change the White House China Pattern (more than once).
I will not drive a Maserati through Ely, Nevada.
I will insist on Free Worcestershire Sauce on Tuesdays.
I will not change the National Anthem to God Save the Queen.
I will not insist on being addressed as Your Royal Majesty, Queen of the Colonies.
I will listen to Queen.
I will learn to spell Worcestershire without Backspacing.

More to follow as we get closer to campaign time.
Bless your hearts.


No comments: