Happy Birthday To YouHooHooHoo

I'm one year grumpier than last time we chatted.

When I woke up today and checked my email, I had 67 one-line cheerful bouncy Happy Birthday messages from forums where I don't even recall signing up (and four I'm pretty sure I don't belong to). Oh, and eighteen more heart-felt pleas for me to assist moving millions of dollars out of Nigeria from Dear Best Friends.

All I can say is thank goodness for email. If I'd received all this garbage in print form, I would have to contract for a new Dumpster and instead of grumping about spam, I would be bemoaning the loss of three good-sized trees.

But It is FREE

Congratulations! You have won a free Electronic Thingie!! Just because you're so sweet and kind and lovely and wonderful and happened to be here this very moment to open your email!! We just think you're just the bestest thing EVER for doing so, and since we are SO thrilled to see your shining face in front of your screen, we're going to GIVE you this piece of valuable electronic gear FREE and for NOTHING! So all you have to do to claim this WONDERFUL FREE eTHING (which is free and we're giving it away to you because you're soooo nice) is click on this link, answer a few questions, get your name, your address, maybe some banking information, perhaps plant a small cookie on your computer so we can remind you how MUCH WE LIKE YOU so we can send you this FREE THING for FREE, that's as in NO DOLLARS, and..... wait. Don't close this wind.. wait.. no.. please .... please don't shut down your email application.. we really do like you and all we want to do is ask you a few questions so we can GIVE you this FREE GREAT GIFT of a WONDERFUL thing.. honest, we do, really truly we do.. please don't close this window.. just give us ONE MORE MOMENT to show you how GREAT we think you are and let us send you this FREE GIFT of WONDROUS GOOD ELECTRONICS. DON'T CLOSE THi...

gimme a break.

Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam

Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

I read my emails. I pay attention to each one that arrives, deal with it, file it or remove it. I get plenty of emails each day that I MUST deal with in order to keep my business on track. As my business has nothing to do with Viagra or other performance enhancing drugs, I do not want your email.

Go read the U.S. Federal-Can-Spam-Act of 2003.
Then look for my email on your double opt-in list.
You will not find it there, unless you snaked it off a legitimate list.