Dear Bestest Friend in the Whole World

Somewhere out there, there are people so totally starved for affection that they will fall for the insanely sappy entree lines to some of the biggest scams on the planet. These leader lines, designed to tug feebly at your heartstrings,

Dear Beloved in Christ, It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, having known the truth; I had no choice than to do what is lawful and just in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God & His Mercies and glory upon my life. (goes on to ask for help moving money - a blatant Nigerian 419 scam)

Or present a barely plausible tale that piques the curiosity:

Good day and compliments, i know this letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Capt. XXXX X. XXXXXX, a US Marine Capt. serving in the X Battalion, XXX Marine Regiment which Patrols the Anbar province, Iraq. I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you. I am presently in Iraq and I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of $12,570,000 (Twelve million Five Hundred and Seventy Thousand US dollars) to the States or any safe country of your choice, as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here. This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved. (goes on to ask for help moving money - a blatant Nigerian 419 scam)

Or present a resounding call to action:

A certified Award check of (£6.5, million GB Pounds = $13,591,000 US Dollars),In ward Credited to file NO: ddddd/dddddd left the World Health Organization® Head Quarters since on 24th January for your address, it is important we know if you have received these parcel, so as to know when
to invite you for the Winners Dinner night on the 24th February, 2008. If the parcel is not received (goes on to ask for help moving money - a blatant Nigerian 419 scam)

OH MY GOODNESS!! I MUST CONTACT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM RIGHT NOW!!!

Not.

I'm not worried for myself, really. I have a delete button on my email client, and I know how to use it.

I worry about those new to the Internet, those naive sorts who used to fall prey to in-person cons and ponzi schemes. The ones who get duped of their life savings by driveway repair scams. The ones who open their wallet at the first sign of a tear.

There oughta be a law against crafters and grifters of this sort, ringing doorbells of the less wary and running away with their victims' wallets in hand.

Oh wait. There IS. Now, who enforces it and how do we get their attention?