Read this aloud in a tone and vocal timbre that reflects the seriousness of the statement. Time yourself. You have 10 seconds.
[Start Exercise]
Do not breathe.
Start Now.
Some restrictons apply Offer may not be valid in your state Please check local listings for date and time Offer may not be combined with any other offer from this company This ad does not reflect typical weight loss results with this or any other weight loss product Your mileage may vary May cause drowsiness Do not take this product if you are taking MAOI inhibitors Subject to local state and federal taxes Conditions of offer include purchase of warranty package See your local dealer for details If you have already entered this sweepstakes or any other form of this sweepstakes or any other sweepstakes offered by this publisher in the past 18 months you may not quality for a winning position in this sweepstakes Check with your doctor or pharmacist before taking this or any other medication Do not operate this or any vehicle under the influence of alcohol Please drink responsibly
Stop.
Breathe if you want.
[End Exercise]
If you were able to read the italicized paragraph aloud in ten seconds of less, without pausing for breath, congratulations. You have a promising career ahead of you as the broadcaster of those annoying caveats at the end of too many television and radio commercials. You can thank me later.
A Factual Sidenote about Fast Talkin'
Big Jack Armstrong was the holder of the Guinness World Records as the Fastest Talking Human Alive, during his career from 1960 until 2006.
What the heck is he saying!? - It must be true - after all, it's on Wikipedia.
This grump brought to you by special request of Chef Keem whose inspiration and recipes are phenomenal. Read every bit of his Squidoo stuff, try his recipes, get some of that great Agasweet agave nectar to die for. He's a great person, despite his cheery disposition and marvelous sense of humor - nothing to gripe about there, and you know how THAT makes me feel.
**mutters and posts**
Verbal Fine Print
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4 comments:
Hehehehehe...he..hilarious! I knew that my mini gripe would be in good hands with you and turn into a major gripe-o-rama. This should wake up the advertising industry!
I'm so sorry for making you miserable with my cheery disposition. Please accept my apologies.
By the way, here's a true goldmine for mega gripes: the so-called "ad council" and their "public service announcements".
They offer us "gems" like the one about gun crime prevention, where actors portrait the voices of a perpetrator and his little brother counting down the days and other metric imaging of the time spent in prison:
"It'll be 3,589 days...5,168,160 minutes...etc. until I can pick up my little brother from school again", says the criminal. The little brother pipes in: "I have to wait 86,136 hours before I can play 'catch' with my big brother again!"
Do they really believe that a person planning an armed robbery will listen to this moronic announcement, and - impressed by the numbers - leave the gun at home before taking off for the bank visit?
But of course. Just this morning, I did NOT take a Beretta to breakfast OR a Luger to lunch. No Colt to the cafeteria, no Glock to the gym. Obviously the ads are working perfectly.
[G O B]
And you don't make me miserable with your cheery disposition. That's one of the things I like so much about you. But those on my radar are the ones who get targeted the most. Thus the jibjab. Nothing personal or unkind meant.
[G O B]
I completely "got" your "cheery disposition jab" the first time around and I loved it. I actually took it as a compliment in disguise. (You have a reputation to protect, Grumpy.)
My "apology" was supposed to be dripping with sarcasm... :-)
I stand corrected in terms of the ad council's p.a.'s.
Wait - is that an AK-47 in your bra or did you have a "job" done?
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